My 2 Cents About Dating …

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My 2 cents worth about dating. To all you single Christians out there, gay and straight:

Before you put rules and constraints on yourself of who you can and cannot date, first figure out what your goal in dating is. If it is specifically/exclusively to get married, then yeah, you want a tight filter. Only date those who are likely spouse-material — all that “unequally yoked” stuff applies (tho Paul wasn’t talking about marriage there; j/s).

But dating isn’t just about marriage. It’s also about meeting a wide range of people, to learn more about yourself, to broaden your worldview and experience. It’s also about your personal growth. Not everybody you date has to be a spouse-candidate. When you date just for the sheer enjoyment of getting to know people — for who they are, not for who you want them to be — you can have a much richer experience. And those tight filters don’t apply. Date people who are really different from you, even those who believe differently. You’ll be amazed at how God uses them to grow you.
‪#‎CrazyChristianDatingRules‬ ‪#‎JustLovePeopleAndYouWillGrow‬


photo credit: Jhayne on Flickr, cc

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STEVE SCHMIDT is a Bible teacher at Expressions.Today in Oklahoma City. He is a graduate of the seminary at Oral Roberts University in Tulsa, OK, and holds two masters degrees in Biblical Literature and Divinity. He did his doctoral research at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem and at the Jewish Theological Seminary of America in New York.

He is editor of IMPACT Magazine, and blogs here on the Cafe Inspirado column. Plus you can find him making random comments about life on Facebook.

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21 thoughts on “My 2 Cents About Dating …

  1. Thought provoking! Lol I’m in such a unique position, having met someone a while back (and who’s out there, somewhere), and my celibacy, and now also having met a couple guys recently, I am almost thinking that dating could be good for me, yet a gateway for temptation/sin….Lord, seal me! Love u and your thoughts, Steve !!!!

    • Both you, Swinney and Joshua, are kinda on the same page. Don’t take “dating” so seriously, as if it’s some kind of lifelong commitment. Enjoy people. Learn from them. Enjoy loving them. It’ll change your world. AND give you a better idea in the long run of what kind of person you do eventually want to settle down with.
      As for temptation/sin … that’s all between you, your date, and God. Don’t let other people tell you what “sin” is. That’s why God gave us his Spirit.

      • ^ Depends who you ask — but the real question is, What do YOU think? My views on intimacy before marriage commitment might raise a few eyebrows, but I could make a biblical case for it. But each person should act according to what their conscience (and the Spirit’s promptings) allow.

  2. I’ve never met any group like gay Christian men with so many restrictions on dating. If they’re not Christian, they aren’t good enough. Even now, I still know gay Christian men who have been single for years waiting for the perfect Christian man. All while passing up many other perfectly good non-Christian men.

  3. The important thing about dating is to work on You first to make you datable material then everything should fall in place. You can make friends with dinner dates without dating them just my personal opinion. Many of us grew up with rules and regulations on how to date for the straight community it takes time and effort to figure out how and which rules to apply to the gay community

  4. Yeah, I used to think I had a “type” when I was younger and more naive. As soon as I cast it to the wind, someone special came along who was not on my radar.

    • Rita, I think the difference between “dating” and “socializing” might be that flirting, kissing and …. eh hem, other romantic contact … is involved. You know in your gut when you’re just hanging out and when you’re on a potential romantic date. (from my limited experience, of course. 🙂 )

  5. Nailed it Steve! No filters, getting to know people. Sheds a lot o’ light on knowing ourselves. Knowing ourselves, that’s the trick. All the rest is pointless until we know ourselves.

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