When you’re restless, when you’re bored, when you’re tired of the same thing day in and day out, you start looking for something new. And that’s where I’ve been, oh, I don’t know, for the past two years or so. And with that latest revelation that my next step would either be helped or hindered by how I handled “radical acceptance”, I was keeping my eyes (and my options) open. So I decided to start by trying out a few new churches. I like to do that periodically anyway, just to keep tabs on what’s out there, but now I was doing it with an eye toward a real change, not just a temporary change of scenery.

I should first clarify that my ecclesiastical wandering eye was not the result of some turmoil or blow up at the church I’d been attending for the past five or six years. I wasn’t mad at the pastor, there were no quarrels with members of the congregation, and there was no conflict driving me out. I was simply looking to stretch myself, find new growing opportunities, and I’d become comfortable and too complacent there. It was time to shake the tree a little and see what fell out.

So after revisiting churches I’d attended years ago, and checking out a new high-energy type church a few times, I decided to try something more along the lines of “radical”. I’d seen advertisements for a congregation I instinctively knew I’d be really uncomfortable with, and I decided to go. It was a small, Bible-believing church with an emphasis on outreach to the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) community. Over the years, I’d been to a few gay-affirming churches, and they’d always kinda left me wondering why they bothered. Okay, that’s a bit judgmental and harsh, I know. They tended to be more liturgical, less Bible-based preaching, and generally more socially or politically activist. That’s fine, I guess, but it’s just not my style. And I fully expected this new church to fall neatly in that same box. I got there just a bit late, wanting to kind of sneak in attracting as little attention as possible, do my reconnaissance unnoticed, and escape with another undercover adventure under my belt. But it was not to be.

When I arrived, I was stopped on the stoop by several of the congregants, and engaged in some light banter. That in itself was remarkable. I’m usually one of those guys who barely tolerates the dreaded “everyone, turn to your neighbor and greet them in the love of the Lord” moments, screwing a smile on my face, and counting the seconds till I can sit back down in my seat and be left alone. But these people were genuinely friendly, and we actually had real conversations, not just idle words to fill in the gaps before service began. That was nice; it was refreshing. Hey, real human interaction. Who would have thought? Then came the music part of the service. An electric piano, drums, and three or four worship leaders led with a mixed list of songs, hymns, and choruses. And as we were singing, the atmosphere suddenly got warm, heavy and peaceful. And there it was, thick as a blanket covering all of us: the tangible presence of God. People behind me began weeping, I was in communion with my God, and the pastor and leaders up front recognized the presence and honored it. They didn’t rush on with their program. The didn’t fiddle with their microphones uncomfortably, they didn’t tell us to sit down to start the announcements or take up the offering. They simply began to sing some of the same songs over again, lingering in the honey air, not wanting to break their attention off the love that was flowing from us to God and so evidently from God back to us.

Knowing that the church was a haven for the gay community, I’d expected to be put off by people fitting the wide range of stereotypes. Obviously, it’s not because I disapprove of homosexuality, or even find it theologically problematic. I’ve done the Bible study, and God has spoken to me specifically about it, so I’ve long since made my peace with this controversial topic in the Body of Christ. But I’ll admit that I am uncomfortable around some of the more … shall we say, flamboyant … aspects associated with it. I’m blinded by the outward appearance, disturbed by some of the unconventional behavior, and find it difficult to connect with the real people underneath. And this is what I’d come to confront. “Radical acceptance”, remember? Could I step into this situation and see people as Jesus did? Could I overcome my own superficial prejudices and let the love of God do its thing?

There I was, surrounded by all kinds of people: gay and straight couples, friends and families, mothers and children. And yes, there were those blatantly fitting the stereotypes that made me uncomfortable. And the presence of God was there, placing his divine seal of approval on them all. These were his beloved children, people whose hearts cried out to him, who raised their voices in praise and worship of him, men and women who loved him because of his grace to them — grace denied them in other churches. And I felt comfortable there in the house of God. Jesus was there in a very real way, how could I not?

Later, I had lunch with the pastor and several of the church members, and as we talked I grew more convinced that God was actively at work. This was real. This wasn’t just a religious performance or going through motions. The pastor spoke about a few of his plans that shocked me, disturbed me, stretching my perspective in very unsettling ways. Yet, picking my jaw up off the floor, I found myself continually smiling. These were just the kinds of things Jesus would do. Yes, they were unconventional, even questionable, challenging my views of the Church, but they were motivated at the core by a love for people, for a desire to bring them to Jesus. Maybe I’ll risk offending some of my readers and write about them later, but I was excited by the vision, by its radicalness. By the heart of Jesus.

I’ve still got my boatload of issues to work through. That experience didn’t knock all my roadblocks down in a single day. But I recognized the stretching. I felt my heart being expanded, my narrow vision being broadened — and God’s fingerprints on the entire experience. The truth is, if you want to be of real service to God, you’ve got to love his people, and you cannot shy away from controversy. Fear of shaking things up or stirring up a little attention will only hold you back. And that means overcoming your hang-ups, and learning to love people unconditionally. It means embracing radical acceptance.

I’d wanted to shake up the tree a little, and I did. This was a step in that direction. And I knew I’d be back for more. Because when it comes to God’s Number One priority — people — a little “radical” is not something to avoid. It’s a God thing, and it’s good.

And occasionally, after some concentrated time in prayer, I’ll walk away, get on with my day, and suddenly out of nowhere, a spark of insight will flare up, a quiet voice will whisper a clue into my ear. It’s almost as though I have to first stir up the pot, or plow up some hard ground before the delicate words can filter through the cacophony of thoughts in my head. The latest came several weeks back. “Radical Acceptance.” And the fuller explanation trailed along immediately: if you want walk in the love of God and if you want the power of God to flow in your life without obstacle or interference, you have to practice radical acceptance. Just like Jesus did.

I’m seeking “more” — you know, that whole “what else” thing we all get when searching for true fulfillment in life. And I know I’ve got things in my life that are holding me back. Wrong thinking, bad attitudes, warped or narrow perspective, habits or lack of habits. And when I get serious with God about them, sometimes he points them out. This time, that was it. The idea is akin to the concept of “unconditional love”. We’ve all heard it preached at us. Some of us even try to walk in it, but it’s really, really hard. And for me, well, I’ve got a train load of baggage that slows me down. If I’m not careful, I tend to be critical, I tend to prejudge people — and usually all based on superficial stuff. I decide whether I like a person or not, or if I want to associate with them, or I’ll just make comments in my head, sizing people up based on outward appearance or behavior. And these snap judgments limit me. I’ve pegged a person, mentally put them in a box. I’ve bagged and tagged them. As a result, genuine personal interaction may never occur. I may never get to know that person for who he or she really is on the inside, simply because I’ve already dispensed with them in my head. And it’s not necessarily out of a superior attitude; it’s not always because I think I’m better than them or that they don’t fit comfortably in the world I’ve constructed for myself. Sometimes it’s the reverse. They’re too good, too perfect or good-looking, too holy or too successful — too intimidating to me. So my world stays small. Not only am I limiting my options for helping others, for stepping outside my box and genuinely interacting with them from a place of authenticity and integrity, but I’ve also limited my ability to be blessed by them.

There’s this verse in the Bible that pops into my head from time to time. It’s in Paul’s prayer for the church in Ephesus, that they may know “the riches of God’s glorious inheritance in the saints” (Eph 1:18). I love that whole passage, a recipe for growing in spiritual depth and maturity. But that part of it is loaded with hidden treasure. People are the wealth of God. We bless others, and they bless us just by being who they are — as they are. And if we limit our interaction, our fellowship, for whatever reason, we limit that blessing, we cut ourselves off from some of those “glorious riches”.

And we don’t have to look far in the Bible to find other examples of this. There’s that famous scene when the prophet Samuel is looking to anoint the next king of Israel. He has Jesse’s sons paraded in front of him, and he is impressed with their physical attributes: strong, tall, powerful, etc. Yet God rejects each one of them: “no, not this one.” Finally Jesse has to send for his youngest son, David, who’s out tending the sheep. And David is the chosen one. Why? “The LORD said to Samuel, ‘Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature… for God sees not as man sees. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart’” (1 Samuel 16:7). Outward appearance is always misleading, and it is never a good basis for determining someone’s true qualities.

And in Jesus’ life, he chose some very questionable people to hang around with. Corrupt officials, hated extortionists, zealots and radical political activists, despised and outcast Samaritans, women of bad moral character. Of course there were others too, like a few of his disciples who were hard-working fisherman. But I’m struck by his handling of the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4). His disciples went ahead of him into the town to find some food, while he hung back. And this woman had been married five times and was currently living with a man she wasn’t married to. And the obvious: she was Samaritan. They were people of twisted theology, a distorted view of the truth, they were a threat to orthodoxy and religious purity. Yet when Jesus’ disciples come back and are shocked to find him talking with her, he tells them “I have food you know nothing about. My food is to do the will of him who sent me.” Jesus got personal fulfillment and satisfaction from talking with this “unclean” woman. That little bit of hanging out with her WAS the work of God. Had he followed socially acceptable protocol, he would never even have looked at her much less engaged her in a conversation that brought her into true relationship with the living God.

I’m looking for more. I’m looking to do more, to BE more. And God has been whispering recently in my ear, “if you want to overcome the next roadblock in your journey to a more fulfilling spiritual life, then you’ve got to deal with this pre-judging stuff. You’ve got to stop looking on the outward appearance, and see people like I see them: from their hearts.” Radical acceptance.

Okay, the acceptance part of that seems pretty straight forward. But radical? I’m not really the radical type. So I think this is more an adverb than an adjective: it’s how I’m to accept people. Like when a cancer has threatened a vital organ in the body, sometimes a surgeon will perform a radical procedure to cut it out. My habitual sizing people up has become pretty automatic; it happens without me even thinking about it. And for these automatic behaviors, sometimes the only way to correct them is with radical, deliberate counter-behavior. Whenever I catch myself making these quick critiques, I have to stop myself, and consciously try to see the person as God sees them. Those people whose lifestyles or behaviors would normally put me off, I have to treat as Jesus would.

It’s a simple truth. The real power of God works through his love. And real love is easily blocked by our quick assessments, by our pre-judgments (prejudices!), our sizing-up of others based on surface inspection. We limit ourselves by these petty attitudes. And whether they’re based on our own insecurities, past experiences, or an unjustified feeling of superiority, they will prevent us from walking in the fullness of what God has for us. Because, in essence, we are limiting God’s ability to work through us.

Since this little nugget was dropped in my head a few weeks back, I’ve tried to open myself up to people and situations I’ve cut myself off from in the past. And the results have been truly surprising.

This is my third attempt at writing this little note, and it has become long enough. There’s so much more to consider about this. And needless to say, there’s also the other side of the balance that needs to be maintained as well. Radical acceptance does not mean to simply embrace everyone under the sun with one of those mushy “I’m okay, you’re okay, we’re all children of God” mentalities. There is a place for true discernment and separation when necessary. I’ll write more on some of these new and disturbing adventures in the days ahead. But for now I leave you with this thought in a nutshell:

If you want to the love of God to flow freely in your life, if you want to unleash the power of God, then you have to practice Radical Acceptance. Just like Jesus did.